I Fought Aging So Hard After 60, I Aged Myself Faster - Why Resistance Makes It Worse
Fighting aging makes it worse. Learn why resistance accelerates decline and how acceptance actually slows aging - backed by science and spiritual wisdom.
In this Article:
Here's something that sounds completely backwards:
The harder I fought against getting older, the faster I aged.
Every wrinkle I hated created more stress lines. Every ache I resisted became more painful. Every change I refused to accept... accelerated. I was literally ageing myself faster by fighting it.
In this blog, I'm sharing a spiritual and psychology-inspired teaching that changed everything for me - and the science that proves why acceptance actually slows decline, not speeds it up.
The Resistance Trap
For years, I was at war with my body.
Every wrinkle was an enemy. Every ache was a betrayal. I'd look in the mirror thinking, "No. This isn't me. I won't accept this."
When my back hurt, I'd push through with annoyance. When I couldn't do what I used to, I'd criticise myself harshly. When someone treated me like I was old, I'd rage internally.
Does this resonate?
Here's what all that fighting actually did:
It kept my body flooded with stress hormones, namely, cortisol. I was in constant fight-or-flight mode.
It made me rigid - I couldn't adapt or find creative solutions because I was too busy insisting things shouldn't be changing.
And here's the cruel irony: that chronic stress from resistance was accelerating everything I was trying to prevent.
The tension, the self-judgement, the sleepless nights - all of it making my decline faster.
I was fighting ageing so hard that I was ageing myself in the process.
The Two Arrows Teaching
There's a Buddhist teaching that changed how I understand this. It's called the two arrows.
The first arrow: You get struck, and it hurts. That's the actual pain of what's happening.
For us, that's ageing itself. Our bodies are changing - a lot. Things are getting harder; there's real pain, stiffness, and loss. That's the first arrow, and it's real.
The second arrow: You strike yourself with it. That's your resistance, your rage at what's happening.
"This shouldn't be happening."
"This isn't fair."
"I can't accept this."
"Why me?"
That second arrow, you're shooting it at yourself. And it does more damage than the first.
Here's the helpful insight: you can't control the first arrow. Ageing happens.
But you have complete control over the second arrow. You can choose whether to add resistance and suffering on top of the actual challenges.
Why This Matters Physically
When you're in constant resistance, your body reads that as a threat. Your nervous system activates, and cortisol (one of the stress hormones) floods your system.
And chronic stress does measurable damage:
Shrinks your hippocampus, impairing memory
Accelerates cellular ageing at the DNA level
Increases inflammation throughout your body
Disrupts sleep, which accelerates cognitive decline
Your resistance to ageing is literally ageing you faster.
Plus, resistance makes you rigid. And rigidity is the opposite of resilience.
When you're rigid, you can't adapt. You insist things should be the way they used to be, so you can't work with the way things actually are.
All that energy fighting reality? That's energy you could use, actually, to build strength, connection, and purpose.
What Acceptance Actually Is
A lot of people think acceptance means giving up.
It doesn't.
Acceptance is NOT:
Liking what's happening
Thinking it's fair
Giving up on yourself
Resigning yourself to decline
Letting yourself go
Acceptance IS: Simply seeing reality clearly.
"My body is changing. This is hard, I hate it sometimes, and that's what's happening."
That's acceptance.
And here's the paradox: when you stop fighting reality, you have MORE power to work with it.
When you accept "my knee hurts," you can ask: "What movement works for this knee? How can I build strength around this? What adaptations help?"
But when you're stuck in "this shouldn't be happening," you can't problem-solve. You're too busy fighting.
How Acceptance Actually Slows Decline
Your stress drops:
The system calms, and cortisol decreases. Your body drops the constant fight-or-flight. Memory improves, inflammation decreases, and sleep gets better.
You become flexible:
You can adapt, flow, and find creative solutions. That flexibility IS resilience, and resilience keeps you vital.
You have energy for what matters:
All that energy you used fighting? Now you can use it to build actual strength - body practices that work for your current body, brain training, emotional resilience, and meaningful connections.
Acceptance doesn't speed up decline. It slows it down by reducing the stress that accelerates it.
The Practice: The Acceptance Pause
Here's something you can start today. I call it the Acceptance Pause.
When you feel resistance rising - that "No, this shouldn't be happening" feeling:
Step 1: Notice it.
Feel where resistance lives in your body. Tight chest? Clenched jaw? Held breath? Just notice.
Step 2: Soften.
Take a breath, drop your shoulders, and unclench your jaw.
Physically soften around the resistance. Place a hand on your heart if that helps, and offer yourself support via the soothing sense of touch.
Step 3: Ask the wise question.
"Given that this is what's happening, what's my wisest response?"
Not "How do I make this stop?" but "How do I work with this reality?"
That question shifts you from fighting to flourishing.
The Essence
Here's what I want you to take away:
You can hate getting older AND accept it's happening. Both are true.
The first arrow - ageing itself - you can't control. But the second arrow - your resistance and suffering about it - that's in your hands.
When you stop shooting yourself with that second arrow, you reduce stress, become flexible, free up energy, and slow down decline.
Acceptance isn't giving up. It's the foundation of whole strength.
Try the Acceptance Pause this week. Notice when you're shooting that second arrow.
What are you resisting about ageing? What might acceptance make possible?
Remember: you're ageing. That's the first arrow. But you don't have to add suffering on top of it.
That second arrow? You can put it down.
Closing Thoughts
If this resonates with you, please comment below and share it with someone who might be struggling with the same feelings.
Ready to stop fighting your age and start building actual strength? Subscribe to Ageing Honestly HERE for bi-weekly essays and videos that tell the truth about what ageing asks—and what it gives back. Real talk, no anti-ageing messages, and no forced positivity.
And remember - you're not just ageing. You're evolving and deepening and expanding in wisdom, fulfillment, purpose, courage, and joy. You're finding yourself again, one honest moment at a time.
Penelope Lane is a clinical psychologist, mindfulness teacher, and fitness and brain health trainer who helps women over 60 build whole strength—body, mind, heart, and soul. At 67, she's learned the hard way that staying alive isn't the same as feeling alive.